Since two recent 3 a.m. vertigo attacks, I’ve been waking up with fear and dread of another surprise strike. These weren’t dips into a woozy dizzy swaying world, but deep seasick whole-body spasms–you would not like to hear details. The inner ear docs aim to figure it out, but in the meantime I’m exploring how to prevent this scare from swallowing me up night and day.
Negative experiences are powerful life hijackers. I’m freaked out, stressed, worried, perplexed. Memory is so vivid I fear I might introduce a psychosomatic version of what I don’t want to happen.
I poke around for distractions, redirections, substitutes for fear and dread. Silly as it seems, Humpty Dumpty comes to mind.
First Humpty Dumpty Go-To fix up is Gary Larsen’s Far Side:
Given time, once dangerous cracks are seen as beautiful.
Given time, given wear and tear, I finally accept cracks as beautiful rather than as harbingers of the final ruin and disintegration of an object I love.
My attention also gravitates to Midori Gunheim’s Broken Dishes quilt block. The LOL story starts with her grandparents in a fight so ferocious that they start throwing dishes at each other. First, they probably started with cups, then escalated from saucers to dinner plates. They broke every single one. Given time, they joked about this when explaining why their dinnerware became Melmack–totally unbreakable. To commemorate the occasion, Midori’s grandmother created a quilt block from her grandfather’s worn out shirts. She named it Broken Dishes and gave it to Midori. Later, the quilt was inadvertently destroyed. Now, scores of years later, Midori reinvents Broken Dishes as a pillow cover friendly for frogs, chickens and whoever needs comfort.
Midori and her grandmother inspire me to mend spirits–no matter what consequences develop from the horrid vertigo deep seasick ordeal. And their quilt blocks remind me of the art genre kintsukuroi’s deliberate transformation from broken to golden beautiful.
Harry Seggu, in his YouTube presentation Kintsukuroi: the Art of the Broken, says, “The world breaks everyone. And afterward some are strong at the broken places.
The kintsukuroi story starts when a 15th century shogun, Ashikaga Yoshimitsu, sent a broken vase for repair in China. It was returned, fixed with staples, which was aesthetically unacceptable. Subsequently, Japanese artisans figured out a repair method that accentuated the crack by infusing gold into the lacquer glue.
Since then, the collaboration of potter artists and kintsugi specialists has become an analogy for our ability to acknowledge our broken places. Embracing imperfection becomes something of value–the cracks are a source of beauty. New York artist Rachel Sussman created a series of installations using kintsugi (gold joinery.)
It’s too big a stretch for me to see the seasick nightmares as beautiful. BUT if I wake up around 3 a.m. feeling threatened by vertigo dry heaves magnifying insomnia and triggering life-style and spiritual upheavals, I’m going to visualize Rachel Sussman’s kintsukuroi sidewalk cracks.
Postscript: Writing the vertigo account has given me space for further questions about the stress and fear that are insinuating themselves into how I handle challenging circumstances. I don’t want them to solidify into a Salt Pt. rock visage.
BTW, last night’s wakeful period transitioned into a peaceful dream when I imagined Rachel Sussman’s sidewalk. My cracks were not golden. They were dotted in pink–not too bad.
Gretchen Butler Wild Art 
Wow Gretchen! I’m so sorry for your nighttime vertigo. Jonah had this, too, awhile back. He dreaded sleep for the same fear of it happening. He’s been free of it for a couple years now. I think you will find your way, too, and meanwhile, you’ve created a fascinating writing in response, surely healing. I look forward to your beautiful smile soon. Let’s make a date! 💕Elizabeth
Sent from my iPhone
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ah…the re-read (and my guidance which I’m coming to know quite well) said to tell you about the 4-7-8 breathing…..empty your lungs fully, then breathe in for the count of 4 ….hold for the count of 7….and slowly exhale to the count of 8…..especially powerful in the middle of the night when the darkness threatens to devour you….it’s right there in your heart which is incredibly powerful….xoxo
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wow, nice innovation and creative way to defeat vertigo. My mom had bouts with it. Indeed terrifying.
I’ve had momentary bouts with vertigo myself but only quick blips, but unnerving to say the least. Ginger tea might help. I’m hoping for solid ground and balance for you!
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Gretchen, I’m so very sorry that you are suffering from this. I’ve had vertiigo before as well and it is NOT FUN!!! I so admire how you are putting a positive spin on this most challenging and scary experience and am impressed that you were able to create and send out this very special blog entry. I love the Broken Dishes story! I’ve heard before it but never saw the quilt (or pillow cover). And I love the kintsukuroi story and life metaphore of embracing imperfection to become something of value.
I seque into my mini story. This week I went downtown to an early morning appt for lab work. As I got closer to the Lab, every street I attempted to drive down in order to get to the Lab was closed for roadwork. So there was no driving access to get to where I needed to go. I realized that I was going to have to hoof it. I parked on a side street and walked about 10 minutes down to the lab. On my way back to the car, I found myself in a neighborhood with gorgeous rose gardens in the front of several houses. i immersed myself in views of the flowers from my phone camera and thought I’d share a few of my discoveries in my unplanned journey. Sending love and I hope that your vertigo resolves quickly! diane

“If you feel as though you don’t fit into this world…….. it’s because you are here to create a better one.” 🇺🇸🇺🇦
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Your artistic bent is the perfect antidote for those …… times. I’m sure you know about how to breathe deliberately to calm the body. When the energy can soften, become more fluid, then there’s some space for it. Not that it goes away (it’s in the mix of who we are), but all that stickiness and dread can inform our practice of a kind of balance. When the rabbit holes call, interrupt and resist with a song, a saying, a physical position, a rock-solid belief in your own inherent equanimity and witness the fading away ……
Much love, Gretchen, with gratitude for your wisdom, Margaret
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div dir=”ltr”>Iâm a litt
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Dear Gretchen I am so sorry you have experienced vertigo and other symptoms. Have you tried flower remedies?
I dont know if this is the right email for you but I can recommend a couple of remedies.
I recommend : Five Flower Formula (Healingherbs – large size) —-if they dont have this then you can take “Emergency essence” (combination) by Australian bush instead – stock (or dosage if out of stock) Aspen – Healing Herbs (large) Rock Rose – Healing Herbs (large)
order from
healingwaters@essencesonline.com (Mindy is owner) email is good way to order there is also a telephone number on the website essencesonline.com {web page Healing Waters}
much Love and Light David 😍 (Jennifers friend)
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p.s. One drop of each, under the tongue or in a small glass of water, 4 times a day: Rising; Noon, 6pm & Bedtime
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Thanks, Light David. Hope you got my email to you.
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div dir=”ltr”>Oh, Gretchen—-getting old is not for the weak. Sorry this is happening. Your art and faith se
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I’m betting this rough patch is a passing thing.
Thank you!
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Gretchen—I really can’t imagine how upsetting and scary this must be for you. I’ll be pulling for you and for your docs to find a quick solution!! 🙏🏽💕
Sent from Gmail Mobile
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Thank you–I’m full of hope.
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Recipe for healing:From a man who studied with Mayan and Peruvian healersStand barefoot for 10 minutes. Imagine a circle 10 feet away from tour heart in all directions. Start at the top, and imagine the circle surrounding you washed with white-gold light, including 10 feet underground.This takes 10 minutes. I need it too.Will pray for your healing. . .Sent from my Galaxy
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I love how you share everything in your process turns to art. Walk in beauty.Sent from my Galaxy
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Thanks for all 3 messages. I managed to take off the long-lace rancho boots to be barefoot for the white-gold shower sphere. Feet felt especially wonderful as they sponged up the 10 feet of underground earthing–
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Hi Gretchen, Mourning cloak butterflyUsually blackWith blue spots alongFluted yellow edgesFlaps wings slowlyPaled to brownEdges tatteredTissue paper whiteTells meThis grief is fully wornTime to let go the old formShe slowly flaps worn wingsOn creekstones washed and tumbledLike me.The interval of longing made me keen.You are not alone. Love, SidSent from my Galaxy
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how are you doing?
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4-7-8 day and night!
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Embracing the pathogen, a powerful healing tool and done with your creative grace, upping the medicine’s strength. Your healing journey is a potent example I will remember. Thank you. You are in my prayers.
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Your sweet message is sinking into me. love, g
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Hi Gretchen,
loved your post but so sorry to hear about your vertigo. Have you heard of the Epley Maneuver? I know 2 people who found it stopped their episodes Many doctors actually prescribe it for vertigo. You can google it for instructions. It always helps if you know you can get it to stop if it happens.
Love to you both!
Deborah, Peter and Boden
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I just returned from long, comprehensive session with inner ear doc. She didn’t mention Epley, but I’ll look it up. She gave me other exercises for desensitizing myself to motion sickness among other recommendations.
Can’t tell you how pleased I am to reconnect. Thank you for reading these wild art stories. love, g and j
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Gretchen,
Good to hear this update, scary indeed. I hear what you are saying re: fear and the not knowing when something will come about. Thank you for showing how cracks can turn into something beautiful. Reminds me of the quote, “There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in.”
Alison 💞
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Your crack comment is a good way to put it.
I’m so pleased you are close even though far away.
love, g
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Hi 👋 Gretchen ~~ Genes 🧬 rule: you come by it honestly! No salve, but Jimmy also has occasional vertigo. 🙏💞~~ Janet
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I didn’t know about Jimmy’s vertigo. Let it be oh so very occasional…..
Thanks for being in touch.
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I love how you turn art into life and life into art.
May you remain un cracked and even keeled dear Gretchen🥰
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Thank you and see you tomorrow!
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you, Gretchen Butler, are a powerful, positive force of nature! I appreciate your wisdom and thank you, so much, for sharing this with us. I will send anti-vertigo and balancing thoughts in. Your direction.
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❤️
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What a beautifully positive way to piece together the meaning of your experience! We are all cracked, and yet we can still persist with grace. Thank you, Gretchen!!
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Thank you, Linda–so pleased we are in touch.
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Wow Gretchen, quite a story! I SO hope that you can find some relief from these frightening episodes. Being someone who spends a lot of time on ladders I can’t imagine what that would be like, to have the ground go out from underneath you…yowza! All of your examples were fantastic and I love the way you are working with the energies – I’ve looked at cracks from both sides now…!
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div dir=”ltr”>Just home from three weeks
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